24 Nov 2013

Inspire Aspire - Ready For Your Close-Up?

I have one simple yet complex question for you. Think carefully before you answer it. Do YOU love YOU? Please just pause for a moment and reflect on the question and answer it in all honesty, i.e. don't say 'Yes' if you mean 'No'.

If your answer is 'Yes', well done! I am no clairvoyant, but I guess you should feel pretty balanced and content in your life, or at least able to face adversity without compromising your self-beliefs and personal core values. You show gratitude towards yourself, you are aware of your self-worth and don't allow others to compromise or undermine it - by putting you down or walking all over you! You are in control, in the driver's seat.

'Marilyn Monroe 28' (1967), by Andy Warhol, via Artsy

Now if your answer is 'No' or 'Not really' or 'Not at all', please rest assured that it's not the end of the world in itself, however what comes next might come as a bit of a shocker to you and be akin to one little bitter pill to swallow. If you don't love you = No-one can love you - & - If you don't love you = You cannot love anyone.

That's right, and I'll paraphrase the above statement some more to drum the message in. If you have no love for yourself, how can anyone have love for you? In order for someone to love you, you need to love yourself first. You can't expect others to love you if you don't first and foremost love yourself.

Oh yeah, here we go again - you might think. Something to do with self-help, personal development, whatever they call it down at Hay House or on Super Soul Sunday...

'The Skull in Gold, Negative', 2012 - by Bill Claps, via Artspace

We are not talking fashion trends here. The love of self, otherwise known as self-love had done the rounds way before personal development got trendy, filtered down the café societies and became accessible from the comfort of your latest smartphone app. Psychiatrists and psychologists have long linked self-love to increased confidence, happiness and self-respect. And self-love naturally attracts the love from others to you - and reciprocally your love of others.

You can't expect off anyone what you can't give out yourself. Same applies with kindness, generosity, tolerance, empathy or respect, etc. You can't respect anyone or expect respect off anyone if you don't self-respect first. What goes around comes around. We are indeed skirting round the Law of Attraction here and it makes perfect sense.

If You ♥ You = You Get ♥

(Pict source)

To love oneself goes beyond love itself. It means to be kind to oneself, be our own best friend, acceptant and respectful of oneself - warts et al, and this chain of events leads to others being able - and made allowed by us - to love us.

To some of us, self-loving might either sound complacent or total mumbo-jumbo and there is no wrong in that. Self-love is a process, a journey, not an overnight result. Being aware of its importance is one first capital step in the direction that will change the way we approach business, friend and love relationships once and for all.

To some of us, self-loving might already be music to our ears, although we might keep quiet on the fact that self-love wasn't achieved overnight, that it took years well into adulthood, through painful personal experiences like feelings of worthlessness and powerlessness, fear of rejection, self-loathing, self-harming, complicated family rapports, pretend friendships, tense office politics, not to mention those disastrous 'love' relationships with the douchebag brigade!

Ready for her close-up? Gloria Swanson in 'Sunset Boulevard'

The best way to approach self-love as a novice is by doing 'some mirror work' as Louise Hay candidly describes it. Every single day, she spends a moment with herself by looking in the mirror and saying to her reflection 'I Love You'. She says it meaning what she says. By telling herself 'I Love You', she comes from a place of honesty. She acknowledges herself, gives herself attention, importance, recognition, self-appreciation, gratitude and compliment. It is a powerful positive affirmation. Please note that self-love isn't to be confused with narcissism (which is an excessive, obsessive, compulsive, distorted and therefore negative idea of self-love).

The method takes a bit of getting used to. It did for me. I only started it properly three months or so ago - and some days I really have to force myself to say the words. But I know that I am giving out a positive vibration and positive attracts more positive into my life, so this is time well spent. And the self-love mantra has helped me refocus on many areas of my life and be self-centered (this doesn't mean selfish) and empowered. For the first time ever.


  1. What a very nice article. The world indeed needs more love and understanding; and thus more lovely articles such as this one.

    1. Rob, how lovely of you! Thank you so much for your compliment, it made my day!

  2. I am thrilled to have contributed to the "making" of your day. Days are composed of moments and we can only hope that their parts exceed the whole as intended and then extend to weeks, etc. :)

    Happy happenings!


    1. This is so sweet of you, Rob! Likewise I praise the significance of those little moments that are part of the DNA of daily life. Sadly the pressure of modern society has encouraged a disconnect in many of our contemporaries who tend to overlook (hence miss out on) those little moments that colour the present time with substance and essence. People have a tendency to either live in the past (ensconced in nostalgia) or chase a future which ironically they won't have the time for once that future becomes a reality.

      Hmm, come to think of it, I might elaborate on this topic further in a future blogpost... Watch this space ;-) and meanwhile thanks again for dropping by!